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Confession: I have a Social Media Phobia. While at one point or another I’ve had accounts for the major outlets, sans friendster, and have accepted that the word Guru now suffices for a job title, I’m still hoping for the day when it’s all so passe.

Unlike other phobias, fear of social media isn’t life limiting. Do you ever wish you had 1000 10000 followers? Call me old fashioned, but I will always find that rather creepy. Besides, the friends I stalk follow on a screen don’t sound anything like they do in person, and I don’t have the brain space to engage two personalities per peep.

Then there’s the numbers thing, which must appeal to the ambitious, competitive or goal-oriented among us. If Twitter no longer told you how many followers you have or tweets you’ve tweeted, would you still tweet? Traffic numbers are the secret ingredient. They’re what cocaine was to Coca-Cola back then.

There are smart people on these sites promoting themselves, finding new clients or selling stuff. That’s awesome. I wish them fun and success, but I will not be coming to the party. Nor will I look at the pictures posted of that party, or click on a link to the sponsor of the next party. Unless those pictures have funny cats – then I’m so there.

Did you know there are Gurus now who specialize in helping people get over social media phobia? I learned all about them during my morning I-can’t-work-yet time. This goes to show I’m not alone. Perhaps what differentiates SMP from other fears is that we’re not on the outside looking in, wishing we could join a vertical trek, board a plane or eat squishy food.

SMPs are graced with the ability to make the source of our fears obsolete. For me, deleting Twitter was step one. Next is LinkedIn (my apologies to my 4 connections).

Ray Bradbury’s famous story “Skeleton”, first written over 60 years ago and rewritten in 1994, tells the story of a man who fears skeletons only to discover that he has one in his own body. I see a little of myself in this story, starting a blog and all. But blogs are a fuzzier monster and I like them so they don’t fall under my definition of social media.

I’m reclusive by nature and anyone who stumbles on this blog for a read is like a new cat in the crazy lady’s cozy little barn. Or the magical miniatures who come to life whenever I turn out the lights. Or the plants that grow because I ask them to not because I water them and stick them in a sunny window. Welcome?