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Procrastinating my own work means plenty of time for friends to take me up on all kinds of offers. Last week, during the heat wave, I helped someone move. Scored a gorgeous oak book shelf out of it, but covered my limbs in bruises during the process of pushing and lifting and begging it to just go up the stairs on its own. No worries until going to the beach. People kept glancing at my legs so pale they’re translucent, which really helps the greenish blues and purples pop.

This week I have no choice but to do some work. I said some? Double the work load thanks to last week’s bout of hookie. And still there’s time for procrastination. So I’m thinking about an incredible book I read, review of Mr. g to come in a day or so, and start to stew over the fact that millions more will read Shades of Grey over a book about our very existence.

I’m no book snob, candy beach reads and some of the sillier YA are on my violent oak shelf, but I don’t get the draw of Grey. Good books have sex in them, too, we all know that. Know what else has sex in it? Art. Real life. And I hear True Blood. I’m not judging people (much) for reading it, but it makes me sad that so many are reading this particular book.

In response, and with a strong block on an assignment, I found a way to feel better. Not by regurgitating poorly written sexualized fan fiction. That’s been done. Not by swiping said fan fiction from my aunt’s hands either. It actually started with a dare.

I have a friend with a penchant for spontaneous rabble rousing. Don’t know why he’s single, but I do know why his dating life is a ghost town. His online profile sucks. It reads like a cardboard cutout of a fill-in-the-blank bore. A glass of sangria later and I’m making all kinds of bets. The next day I find myself drafting a new profile based on the qualities I think women will like about him. No lies allowed. It’s all about the flaws.

My boyfriend doesn’t like this new hobby, but purple friend is going on date 2 tonight. I win! The Score Board says:

 ME = Feeling better / Shades of Grey = $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

My aunt was disappointed with her book of choice, by the way. Got any sexy reading suggestions that don’t let you down?

Fifty Shames of Earl Grey sounds fun.

Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin