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My boyfriend’s tireless curiosity about food has saved me from a diet of potatoes and various concoctions passed off as stir-fries. I enjoy cooking sometimes, but my eyes glaze over when people start talking about food. I just don’t find it that interesting. Unless I’m hungry and they’re talking about what to make me!

Watching food shows is something my boyfriend normally does alone. As a gluten free vegan, 99% of the food made on these shows is irrelevant to me. Yesterday, I joined him for the first episode of a Top Chef season set in Las Vegas, maybe the current one. Their challenge was to make a dish based on a vice. This one guy fries a steak because he likes smoking cigars. This, MoonPie chose to watch instead of Walking Dead?

Then comes television gold. In defending his dish, the chef tells the viewer,

I cook with my heart and balls.

Hmm. Okay, I’m not familiar with the usual lingo on cooking shows, maybe this won’t sound so weird to those who are. Or not. Why do men say things like that?

I hope I never hear a chef who just made me food reference his genitals in regards to his cooking approach. On the other hand, it stuck with me. Suddenly everything must be done with heart and balls. We must run with heart and balls, obviously. Help me! I can’t get this phrase out of my head.

Right on cue, my sister calls to ask How do you make Pad Thai?

With heart and balls, naturally.

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