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I’m practicing for my future as a harbinger. It may end after Halloween. We shall see. Once you begin to foresee doom it’s hard to stop. Right now it’s effortless. Why not cash in? Something like harbinger fortune cookies only doughnuts or bottle caps with sweet little FYIs.

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Go to a doctor before you lose health insurance for 3 years…

Harbinger horoscopes with guest cameos.

They’re all gonna laugh at you. -Carrie’s mom

Harbingers don’t need bedside manners or charm. Just a willingness to pull up the boot straps, point a crooked finger and let the fools know they won’t be coming back. Our annual retreat will be a blast.

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This could be my calling. Please let this be my calling. I used to want to be a nun because the lifestyle sounds peaceful, but the religion stuff was a nonstarter. My childhood cowgirl thing never had a chance – a horse threw me off, ran a loop around the barn and then jumped over me. Harbingers don’t ride horses. We pump gas, wander or sometimes check you in at roadside motels. Your’s is the room at the end right by the office. That’s not a peephole it’s an eyeball-sized ventilation vent.

Bury the TV before every rich bozo inside it becomes president

A fun way to alienate people.

Turn back before the bridge collapses.

and do something useful with the news.

Breathe while the air’s still breathable!

A harbinger advice column by me for me followed by a harbinger fashion line with helmets, full body armor and jet packs to give you a fighting chance. All of my survival products will be free because they won’t really exist and that is how you do business.

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